4/17/2005

Tabula Rasa

I'm not sure really what has happened to me in the last few days. I feel I've changed in some way.

It started with my great-uncle's death, I know that. When that happened, all the Big Questions I try not to think about came bubbling to the surface. They've bubbled to the surface before, but never in this way. I found myself caught deeper and deeper in some kind of religio-philosophical vortex. At one point I really thought I was going to lose my mind. But then that little voice came up as it always does and said, Go right ahead. It's not doing you any good anyway. Bastard little voice. Always spoiling my existential crises.

Something did happen though. I feel like the things that weighed me down before are no longer so heavy. The past seems at a small distance now, rather than always ready to smash down like a freeway overpass during an earthquake.

There's a scene at the end of Dead Man Walking where Sister Helen and the father of the murdered boy are seen praying together. That scene always moves me. It moves me because it seems to say there is a way out of whatever we are caught up in. Maybe it takes divine help. Maybe divine help is really all there is.

Tabula rasa: (Latin). A clean slate; a blank or erased tablet.

5 Comments:

Blogger Maverick said...

I love the phrase 'Tabula Rasa' - I learned it watching Buffy, which still remains my favorite show ever.

Although, I thought I might point out that your inner voice sounds like a Steven King novel. Has that ever occurred to you? Not, that that's a bad thing.

Spitting in a Wishing Well

9:22 PM  
Anonymous Mr. Burns said...

God, you found me out! I such a Stephen King fan. Even of his later, "doorstop" novels.

6:46 AM  
Anonymous sarcastrix said...

Without divine help we're all just shuffling through a pointless existence...

11:44 AM  
Anonymous Mr. Burns said...

Indeedy.

7:08 PM  
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